Sh*t happens ... usually when you least expect it

Three weeks ago my mother-in-law went in for what should have been a "routine" surgery.  It did not go well.  She spent four days in the hospital for a surgery to fix a disc in her back.*  After a week and a half at home my daughter and I took her back to the ER because the pain in her leg and hip was so terrible.  It turns out the disc was not fixed, and was worse than ever.  She spent another seven days in the hospital and came home.  This past Friday morning she called us again and we were afraid she was having a stroke.  We called the ambulance, my spouse rushed to her house, and my daughter and I met them in the ER.  It turns out that several blood clots had gone to her lungs and she was at risk for more clots that could do even more damage.  It was one of the scariest days of my life.

After we knew that she wasn't having a stroke, but that she was still in danger, next we had to start making plans.  First and foremost, who could take care of our nine-year-old daughter while we were in the hospital with my spouse's mother all weekend?  Sitting in the ER, seeing my mother-in-law lying there on the gurney, her face gray and full of pain, hooked up to so many machines, we knew we couldn't leave her any longer than necessary.  However, a nine-year-old can't handle the stressful boredom of sitting with a loved one who is dangerously ill.  And, after three weeks of dealing with her mother's pain and suffering, my spouse needed me at the hospital by her side.

Friends and family to the rescue

My first call was to my own mother.  She and my mother-in-law have become close friends, and I knew she would want to be here with her.  She could also take care of our daughter while we spent the weekend in the hospital with my mother-in-law.  Most of all, even though I am 43 years old, I was scared and I wanted my mom.  Despite the fact that she lives 3 hours away, she immediately said that she would be at our house by the evening and would stay all weekend to help us.

My second thought was where our daughter could spend the day while we dealt with the immediate emergency in front of us.  This was a Friday morning, so most people would be at work.  Luckily for us, several of her friends' parents would be home that day.  We texted the parents of a friend from Girl Scouts, and they invited our daughter over for the rest of the day.  It was such a relief to drop her off and see her run into their house, and to know that she would be happy and well cared for that day.

Gratitude

My mother-in-law is doing much better, and the doctors say she can come home tomorrow!

During this ordeal, we have had so much to be grateful for.  Besides the wonderful doctors, nurses, and nurse's aides who have taken such good care of her, we have a community of people to thank.  First, my own mother, who drove 3 hours each way to care for us and our daughter while we did our best to care for my mother-in-law.  Second, the kind family who took care of our daughter during those frightening hours we spent in the ER.  Third, my spouse's employer and coworkers, who have been more than generous and supportive while she struggled to care for her mother while also keeping her commitments at work.

Investments that pay off

During this time I have also been grateful for the investments we have made that have paid off, and I wanted to pass along our experience so that you, too, can make wise investments.

Invest in...

• your community.  The family that took care of our daughter while we were in the ER was a family from our Girl Scout troop.  I have been the troop leader for three years.  I am a big believer in giving back to your community for many reasons, and one of them is that we all benefit by creating a web of interdependence.  We have spun a web from volunteering with the Girl Scouts, getting to know our neighbors, being involved in our church, and reaching out to other parents at our daughter's school, among other things.  
• your career.  Don't just pick a job based on the salary.  My spouse works for a non-profit that allowed her flexibility while we were dealing with this crisis, and she has enough vacation time that she could take time off to be with her mom at the hospital.  In addition, she has worked for this organization for almost 20 years, and has proven herself to be a valuable employee, so she has earned their trust, which enabled her to be flexible.
• yourself.  We have been using the "pay yourself first" method of savings for many, many years.  When you have money automatically transferred to savings, 401(k), IRA, and money market accounts as soon as (or before, as in the case of employer-sponsored 401(k) plans) your pay check hits your checking account, you are paying yourself before you pay any other bills, and before you can spend the money frivolously on "wants."  Because of this, we have built up a sizable emergency fund, which is important when the unexpected happens.  But we weren't the ones in the hospital, so why did we need money?  The hospital we visited was in the city, and parking was a minimum of $8 a day, and averaged more like $25 a day.  On top of that, while we spent long hours at the hospital we got hungry and had to eat at the hospital cafeteria every day.  Also factor in gas for trips to and from the hospital, as well as items we had to buy individually while we were there for a huge markup (the jokes about $8 aspirins are not far off the mark).  We also bought bagels for the nursing staff one day in appreciation for the wonderful care they provided.  And, while she was laid up we bought groceries for my mother-in-law as well as picking up and paying for all of her prescriptions.  She later reimbursed us for her groceries and medicines, but we didn't have to worry about where the money was going to come from in the meantime, like we would have if we lived paycheck to paycheck.
• health insurance.  I am not an expert on the Affordable Care Act, but the intent is to make health insurance affordable for everyone.  If at all possible, invest in health insurance.  Without health insurance my mother-in-law would probably be facing a bill of $100,000.  One of the medicines she was prescribed would have cost $800 for just a two-weeks' supply without insurance.  With her insurance it was only $8.  There is a lot to be said about our country's broken health care system, but all I will say is that you need health insurance.

Most of all, know that things will go wrong.  If you make the right investments, it will feel a lot less like a catastrophe.
*I am not a medical professional and will use all manner of incorrect terms in this post.